As you probably already know, my main job here in Costa Rica is to help take care of the base directors kids and help wherever else its needed. I
know that God has called me to serve here this year and do this job of caring for Olivia and Sawyer but sometimes its hard to do without looking at everyone else.
Teams are going to start coming next week. Everyone is super busy getting ready for them including me, only my job isn't an official site. My mom told me before I left and still says to encourage me that my ministry is with Olivia and Sawyer. I have been happy with helping Jeff and Tracey care for them, that's what I came to Costa Rica for. I want to be an example for these children, I want them to see Christ in me, I want to plant seeds in their life, I want me being here to have an impact on their lives that will in turn glorify God. I mean lets get real here, nobody wants them to be weird missionary kids that are all messed up when they get older. You know what I'm talking about. So these thoughts and desires are on my mind constantly and I find myself racking my brain trying to think of ways to make this experience good for them and actually helpful to their parents because I love all 4 of them dearly. Unfortunately I am not the most creative when it comes to kids. I can't come up with a fun game to play or think up crafts (thank God for the
Internet) and I really suck at playing make-believe, I mean I
couldn't really do that when I was a little kid myself. So the closer the summer has come the more I have had to watch the kiddos which means the more I have doubted my abilities and job here. Some thoughts or more like lies that drift through my head *caution: my thoughts may come off more sassy than they really are, but then again some are sassy*
-"Everyone else gets to work at a site and I have to stay home and try to enjoy playing school or family.... but
that's what
I'm hear for and I need to do it with a happy heart, but its so hard..."
-"Everyone here is probably wondering why I'm at the staff meeting and not watching the kids cause
I'm not really staff..."
-"I bet interns at other bases get to do more..."
-"um, my job isn't nearly as spiritual as theirs..."
-"I want to learn how to drive stick!..."
-"I suck at babysitting!"
-"Why can't I be more like Krysta when it comes to kids?! She never gets sarcastic and
cynical with them like I do...."
-"I need a
freakin kids Bible
in English and then I could teach the kids cool stuff..."
-"People forget to pray for me at church cause they probably don't think I'm a real missionary. I gotta suffer and make a 2 year
commitment in order to get their prayers and a tiny bit of support..."
-"Everyone probably thinks I'm incapable of being mature..."
-"No one takes me seriously!..." (in a dramatic teenager voice)
-"They are so lame, how can they say 'Gimme ya
finganails' isn't funny?!"
-"I bet if I knew Spanish then I could do more cool stuff..."
-"I'm missing out on my baby brothers 2 half of life to be here in the background?..."
-"Oh
that's right, I'm just the babysitter..."
-"I know
I'm here to serve the
Dixons and the rest of the staff, but I want to be on the same page as everyone else..."
-"I'm going to be a horrible mother!..."
Those are just some of the thoughts that cross my mind in split seconds. They're pretty funny reading over them. So all that to say its been getting harder for me to steer clear of negative thoughts at times. We had a staff meeting today and if I were to say that some of those thoughts
didn't cross my mind with an exclamation point tacked on the end, I would be telling a big fat lie. But like I said before, I just try to remember my moms encouragement in that I am an important part to this team. Jeff also has told me something to the likes of "I know it may not seem like the glamorous job but it is a big help". The Lord reminds me of this passage when I start to whine in my head.
1 Corinthians 12:12-24
"The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body—whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable...."
Plants and flowers thrive if they are planted in the right "Hardiness Zone". If you plant a seed that needs a minimum of zone 11 in a zone 3 its probably not gonna work out so well for that little plant. The right seed needs to be planted in the right zone- My zone is in the Dixons house with Olivia and Sawyer most of the time and Krysta's zone is in Los Guido. I have been called to serve and love these children the way Jesus does and I need to do it with a willing heart. If I can do that then Olivia, Sawyer, and me will thrive during this season in life :) I mean I know things will get tough at times and the enemy will try to whisper these lies to me, but I just need to remind myself of how I'm the wrist that helps the hands move....
If you get a chance or think of it, pray that the Lord's will be done in all 3 of our lives and that He would give me wisdom, patience, understanding, and good ideas for crafts and games :) Olivia and Sawyer are so precious to me and I want to see them grow up striving to be like Christ and glorifying his name.
Its crazy who God chooses for certain jobs. I think mine is perfect for me :)
